For reasons I’ll get into later, I am not going to give my real name. I am starting this blog as a modern day diary for me, to track progress (if any), and if I’m lucky reach others in a similar situation that can give me some helpful advice. To be honest, I would probably be happier just to hear “you are NOT alone, I am in the same situation!” I know there are others because of my hours of googling, but unfortunately there are no updates from original posters.
As you may have noticed my blog will be about my experience as a step mom to my two step sons and my step daughter. The two boys are from my husband’s first marriage and my step daughter is from my husband’s ex around senior year of high school. The boys are relatively close to us distance wise, about 30 minutes away. The schedule with them is every other weekend and the weekend they aren’t with us they are over Tuesday and Thursday for overnights. My step daughter is out of state so we only see her 9 weeks out of the year. One week in December and a long eight weeks during the summer. I think it is important to mention I also have two kids of my own. All the kids ages range from 5-10.
This is the first time I have been an official step mother, but I was decently involved with my ex’s kid during our off and on again 4 year relationship. The mother was hell and made things difficult. Like how many Americans needed a few cups of coffee to keep their day going, she instead needed a daily dose of arguments. Aside from dealing with her, my like step daughter was wonderful and in many ways is like my daughter (who is her half sister). She was always loving to me and everyone around her, was respectful, and all around a caring little girl. I thought it would be just like this when I started seeing my now husband and his three children.
It turns out that not every child is so easy to talk to or love for that matter. My husband’s oldest child, who he shares no biological relation with (adopted his ex wife’s child, weeks before she decided she didn’t love him anymore) was a nightmare. He complained about everything, was mean to my son, disrespectful, a liar, and was one of those kids that you just couldn’t make happy. The younger son, who is my husband’s biological child was very quiet. He would never talk to me, even when I would ask simple things like “how was your day?” or “do you want to play a board game?” He would just stare at me. It was creepy. It still is creepy. It’s awkward. That wasn’t the worst of it either. He would destroy my things and my daughters, pull her hair, pee on things, and clog the toilet and cause floods. Even though I was in my house, I felt very isolated and alone in a hell. At this time my husband only had them on those Tuesdays and Thursdays I told you about until around 8pm because of his work schedule which made the hell a little more livable. The countdown to feeling comfortable again never seemed to be too long.
I used to be ashamed to think that I didn’t like the kids because I felt like I was required to. I knowingly started seeing someone with kids so I have to accept them, right? I told myself to keep trying, be understanding, and be loving. I told myself it will get better. I guess I told myself this because their father made me very happy. I really felt that we were soul mates and I needed to develop a relationship with his children to ensure our happiness as a couple.
I won’t be discussing my step daughter in this blog as she did not appear in my step mother experience until our marriage aside from my brief time with her in December for a few hours.
As I was saying, I really felt that we were soul mates and I needed to develop a relationship with his children to ensure our happiness as a couple. If you are a step parent (mom or dad) and have found your way here I am sure you can recall similar thoughts and feelings. I don’t know about you, but in the pit of my stomach I knew things would never be great with these children, but didn’t want to admit that my intuition was a negative, glass half empty outlook.
I don’t want to create a big long story on one blog and steer you away from reading so I am going to stop here and will make a new blog shortly to continue my story. Plus, my eyes hurt from staring at the screen.